A Skewed View

Just in case you were wondering if the season dulls my usual sense of humour: Uh, no. No it does not. (check out the guy in the oven. he really sells the shot.)

Given that the weather reports for Edmonton this weekend are grim grim grim (lows of minus 33, highs of minus 25 -- with wind chills of around minus 35 to 40), I woke up early this morning to get all errands for the weekend out of the way in one fell swoop. I barely needed a coat this morning as I headed out to my car to embark on my mission. With each passing hour, the thermometer dipped a degree or twelve. By time I was done driving around (and paused to catch a movie at the neighbourhood googolplex), it was chill-lay outside. I am now snuggly boarded up in my apartment, with no plans to so much as peek my nose out my window until Tuesday (when the temps shall return to a balmy minus 15). Groceries? Check. Toiletries? Check. Magazines to curl up with? Check. Christmas Presents? Check. Lessee, I got my father what he's been asking for since I was old enough for him to give me his Christmas wish list: And I think my mother will enjoy her bungalow by the stream: For my sister and he...

It's a cleaning bug. And today was only one of about six times in my whole life that I've been bitten. Dusting and washing floors and the whole kitten kaboodle. If anyone wishes to visit my apartment, they should do it right this second. Cuz I will not be responsible for its condition if you delay longer than a few hours.

I have put my tree up! =) Okay, so "up" means all 2 foot 4 inches of Christmas tree if one counts the star topper. I really enjoy turning out the room lights to take pictures of Xmas lights. Of course, the last time I took such a picture it was of my parents' Xmas tree... (Yes, Santa is riding a tricycle past the front of their tree.) Shortly after I snapped this picture, one of my parents' man-eating Rottweilers -- I mean Papillons came racing up the stairs from his cushy night-time dent in my mother's comforter to chase me away from the tree. Followed shortly, I'm sorry to say, by my mother wondering why her carnivorous bauble was shattering the silence of her night with its shrill yapping. I denied knowing what the dog's problem was (which philosophically is true, as the creature is a few treats short of a Scooby-snack) and m y mom turned sleepily back towards her bedroom ... I suspect figuring she was not in fact awake anyway. Confident my own apartme...

A few days ago mother nature so gently nudged me into realizing it was in fact November in Edmonton, random snow falls and all: At first I was down. And cold. Then I remembered three things ... namely Puff: Skipper: and Rose: About three Christmases ago I was downtown for an office Christmas dinner, but my fear of arriving late when I do not know how long it will take me to get someplace new left me with many minutes to spare before I was to run into anyone else. So I decided to engage in some window shopping. I had only enough money in my pocket for my meal that eve, so no treasures were to be coming home with me at all. Then I sensed someone staring out from a shelving unit cluttered with some of most ghastly and tacky Christmas decorations imaginable. Six coal briquette eyes burrowing holes in me, begging me to release them from their low-rent neighbours: The best I can do, I promised as I cuddled them in my arms before placing them carefully back in their unfortunate circumstance,...

I fell in love with the work of a local (ish) artist. He does brazilian soapstone carvings of wildlife -- primarily of bears, but there are also various birds, bunnies and walruses. Pictures of his work just do not do them justice, but he mixes realistic creations: With whimsical presentations: They are just exquisite and must be shared. (source: www.vancetheoret.com ) Of course, my last errand of the day was to pick up my baby. He's going to be 10 years old in April, and now he's just as shiny and perfect as new! [If you can't tell, that's the fixed front fender of my RAV4. ] (source: a really messed up car owner )

This morning I washed my red bathrobe with my towels, some washcloths and a random assortment of socks ... and now all my laundry is pink. And last night I was making popcorn in a hot air popper when a super-heated kernel jumped ship and lodged between my big toe and my second, uh, biggest toe. When frantic foot shaking proved fruitless, and before I could put down the dishes in my hand to dig it out, the kernel had actually burnt the skin between my toes -- and damn if the skin didn't blister by this morning. Because of a frickin popcorn kernel! I would have gone to the doctor today, but I refuse to be the reason why nurses titter in the hallways. So the next time I have nothing of interest to report, I'm keeping my big trap shut. (and yes, as mentioned by my anonymous commenter, a "freelance filmmaker" in Edmonton has been charged with killing a man, maybe or maybe not in order to fuel his own storytelling ability. http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVN...