A Skewed View

I have decided: the planet can not keep me out of the workforce much longer. This year, I sent out ... ...97 applications for general administrative or professional-level jobs ...20 applications for writing (or industry related) jobs from online postings ...3 applications for writing jobs from personal references ...15 queries to production companies for permission to submit my resume ...5 queries to agents for permission to submit my resume and writing (one said what the heck) ...6 queries to production companies for permission to submit my writing (none got back to me) I just can't be unemployed any longer. It just can't happen. I've also noticed that pigeons and pigeon antics comprise a large part of my blog. Which leads me to believe that the pigeon that kept flying into my parent's room in Waikiki was actually looking for me, having flown down to check on why I hadn't lept out of my balcony with a broom to scare off his friends back home in a while. (there was ...

My 2009 wreath has been upgraded to an actual wreath for 2010: (Sure, it's a fake pine/plastic wreath -- but given that last year's wreath was green tinsel rope wrapped around an embroidery ring, fake pine technically IS an "upgrade".) And the ever present 3' tree upon an empty box wrapped like a present: ********************************* And a bonus upload: Someone thinks that pigeons are dumber than they actually are. That pigeons would buy that (1) three owls would perch upon one rooftop during the day, and (2) would perch at awkward, drunken angles on said rooftops. (I think the pigeon at the crest of the roof is actually laughing.)

After putting my shot-glass-in-a-peanut-butter-jar terrarium on my windowsill for my clipping's daily dose of sunshine, my sleeve caught the jar and the terrarium plummeted to the floor. I think I can save the stalk, but the delicate, hard-fought-for three leaves are gone. Poop.

... but when she knits a scarf, she'll still use industrial grade materials. About four years ago, I picked up a beginner's knitting project from Zellers. It was supposed to be a kind of shawl/cape thing for cool winter evenings. But when it became apparent while following the pattern that I would need to follow the pattern, I unravelled it all and decided I'd use the yarn for an easier to knit insofar-as-you-just-keep-knitting-rows-until-you-unroll-it-one-day-to-discover-a scarf. I stuck with that plan for a year or two ... but at the end of that time all I had really managed to create was a ball of yarn that I had become quite attached to. I have since unravelled that, and tried once more to get it to knit uniformly. And unravelled once more, to try yet once more. Finally two weeks ago I unravelled it a fourth time and committed to knitting like gangbusters -- if in fact busters of gangs were to knit -- and darn if the blasted thing didn't just roll off my needles lik...

It's an epidemic in my apartment. Remember this beauty?: Dead. Dead within weeks, dead. By time I figured out that something was rotting its stem, it was too late to perform a rot-ectomy in a hail-mary move to salvage some tiny wisp of the thing. I've also killed a grand total of three begonias since I moved here. I think it's the humidity. I just don't know how to water things that already have so much water in the air around it. They die die die, becoming mushy weak images of festering flora. Everytime I walk past a plant shop to admire the pretty pots of tempting treats, they almost imperceptibly lean away from my gaze as if they are already crying in cowering fear that I will purchase them thus sealing their fate forever by placing them in my care. A few weeks ago, I managed to save one small piece of stem from the last begonia to go down in my apartment. So far so good. Figuring I had little to lose -- it already had a death sentence through association with me -- ...

(sorry. I've been doing a lot of decompressing. of my vertibrae) Celebrities spotted: None. Next year, I should volunteer at different theatres. Duties While Volunteering: Play traffic cop in the middle of the hall orchestrating human flow. Rip patrons' tickets as they enter the theatre. Sit outside theatre waiting for movie to end while watching the tumbleweeds roll by. Movies Watched By Me When Not Volunteering: None. Something else you should know: (1) Working the last shifts of the day is like guarding a penny on a floor. Sure, it is within the realm of possibilities that you'll be called into action ... but even so, is it worth it? (2) "Easy A" and "Casino Jack" were clear winners. "Beginner" and "Jucy" were a good time. I didn't get the draw of "Stone". "Henry's Crime" was quite who cares. "John Carpenter's The Ward" was a good scare.

Celebrities spotted: None. Yup. Wrong theatres. Duties While Volunteering: Sit outside theatre waiting for movie to end. Get approached by patron who has "lost" his girlfriend. She left to go to the bathroom and never came back. Wonder if he ever found her. Stand inside the theatre watching people watch movies. Try to ignore back pain. Not all that easy. Movies Watched By Me When Not Volunteering: None. Something else you should know: Got to go home early because all shows ended prior to shift end. Thankful because back is now preventing me from walking right and sitting down is torture. Coughs from cold feel like my back is going to snap in half. Hobbled home like 90 year old woman. Discovered transit drivers are pretty patient if they think you are disabled. Fear the words "strike the theatre" overhead by staff in reference to tomorrow's end of the festival shift. (editor's note: "strike" anything in reference to a production means take down...

Celebrities spotted: None. Apparently I volunteer and see movies at the "wrong" theatres. Duties While Volunteering: Didn't volunteer today. Movies Watched By Me When Not Volunteering: One. ("Easy A" -- easily watchable) Something else you should know: Back hurt so much when I got up today, I wasn't sure I could even get to the theatre to see the movie. It was slow and painful going. I think the heels I wore on Wednesday after a week of standing around did me in.

Celebrities spotted: None. Duties While Volunteering: Sat in the volunteer room and sat and sat and sat while awaiting something to do. Got an assignment at one theatre, but was false alarm and was sent back to the volunteer room to wait some more. Considered switching the rest of my shifts to a different time of day. Finally told to go downstairs and hold door open for exiting patrons. Ended up having to deal with the drunk university students in line outside the building waiting to get into the nearby bar's toga party. Snotty snockered sluts in stillettos try to slink past me into the theatre, and almost convulse in shock when I stand in front of them to prevent their entry. Do I not see they are hot and barely dressed? Do I not understand the hot and barely dressed have carte blanche in life and allowed wherever they wish to be? Yeah, back it up, little girl. I'm tired, I'm bored, and I didn't suffer pushy drunk university students when I was one of them so you ca...

Celebrities spotted: None. Duties While Volunteering: Didn't volunteer today. Movies Watched By Me When Not Volunteering: None. Something else you should know: Today was the Women in Film and Television reception for TIFF ... a hotly sought after ticket. It was okay. I think I was overdressed, which hardly ever happens, but I can't blame myself because when you hear "reception for TIFF" you think high heels with stockings and little black dresses and chunky statement jewelry and gauzy shawls. How was I supposed to know that hardly anyone else thinks that? They're so obviously wrong. Tried some cold medicine -- made me feel even heavier. Which is why I was late for the reception and left "early". Could sleep in because not volunteering tomorrow until late, but two movies I have been looking forward to seeing all week are on tomorrow. Will see how I feel when my alarm rings.

Celebrities spotted: None. Duties While Volunteering: Manually shuffle and deal incoming patrons to appropriate theatre line ups. Take quiet satisfaction in discovering that some people who barrelled past ignoring me were in fact in the wrong building and had they allowed me to help them they may not have ended up being too late to make it to the right building. Draw freehand sketch of Martin Scorsese from a nearby poster on a discarded ticket sleeve to pass the time while sitting quietly outside a theatre waiting to collect completed ballots from exiting patrons. Movies Watched By Me When Not Volunteering: One. ("Beginners" ... my favourite so far. Ewan MacGregor with a dog who gets his own subtitles) Something else you should know: I'm fighting off a cold. A wake up in the middle of the night with a dry sore throat, feel lethargic and 750 pounds heavier during waking hours, coughs and sneezes that threaten to turn your insides into your outsides, and stare at food ...

Celebrities spotted: Three plus a bunch of horror movie chicks basically in their underwear and spiked heels (Hayden Christensen, Tandie Newton and Danielle Panabaker -- who technically was one of the horror movie chicks in her underwear and spiked heels, but she has done other things as well) Duties While Volunteering: Once again, stare at people from the front of the theatre while they are minding their own business watching a movie. Show people into an empty theatre that is standing in for a line-up, where you sit down in the order in which you arrive, thereby being "in line" but being able to sit down while you wait ... a concept that was not as welcome to others as it would have been to me if I were told that instead of standing in line I may sit in a cushy theatre seat. Hand out ballots for audience voting. Movies Watched By Me When Not Volunteering: One. ("The Ward" ... thus the horror movie chicks in their underwear) Something else you should know: The ...

Celebrities spotted: None Duties While Volunteering: Watch more people watching more movies. Shine flashlight at bottom steps for mid-movie-movers to reduce incidence of them landing flat on their faces. Movies Watched By Me When Not Volunteering: Two. ("Casino Jack" and "Jucy") Something else you should know: It was a looong day. One of the perks of volunteering is you get vouchers that you can exchange for tickets for public showings OR you can stand in the Rush line for Press and Industry screenings. Because the P&I screenings aren't open to the public, in general there are fewer people at each showing (except for movies with huge buzz where every press and industry person climb over one another to get in), so by sheer logistics you have a better chance of getting in with less hassle (as opposed to standing in the box office line for 90 minutes only to discover the show is sold out, or rushing the public screening of the movie with every other Tom Di...

Celebrities spotted: One (I don't know his name, but I could pick him out of a lineup. I just don't know where/how I know him. We exchanged smiles, though) Duties While Volunteering: Stand at the top of the escalator repeating over and over "LittleWhiteLiesTheatreOneLittleWhiteLies TheatreOneLittleWhiteLiesTheatreOne..." Stand in a dark theatre watching the people who are watching the movie to make sure a UFC grudge match doesn't break out in the darkness. Stand at the front of a line outside the theatre explaining to people that I am very sorry that a scheduled film has been moved back 90 minutes and that standing nose to nose with me waving your ticket and calling me stupid just can not change my answer from that I am very sorry that a scheduled film has been moved back 90 minutes. [It can, however, serve to summon my nearby supervisor to lead you politely out of line while telling you that he too is very sorry that a scheduled film has been moved back 90 min...

Celebrities spotted: Five (George Strombolupagus [not pictured, duh] , Frances Conroy, Milla Jovovich, Edward Norton, Robert DeNiro) Duties While Volunteering: Stand at the top of the escalator, startling people with "May I help you?" when they are not looking. Stand outside and open doors for patrons with a cheery "Welcome to TIFF" -- reserving the cheeriest for those who are on their cellphones without a glance to the door that mysteriously opened in their path without any human assistance. Movies Watched By Me When Not Volunteering: One. ("Stone") But it wasn't easy. Stood in line for an hour and forty five minutes to get in the theatre ... finally got in fifty-five minutes after the movie was slated to start. Something Else You Should Know: My feet hurt. And my posture is nothing to boast about.

Celebrities spotted: One (Roger Ebert) Duties While Volunteering: Ask people who are exiting the theatre mid-movie "Are you coming back, sir/madam?" If the answer is in the affirmative, hand them a small ticket to hand back to me when they return, thus ensuring we do not count them twice when determining the head count for the movie. Movies Watched By Me When Not Volunteering: None. But ticket for one on Friday purchased.

[editor's note: TIFF = Toronto International Film Festival] While I am getting kinda tired of the "V" word, if it wasn't for that, I'd have nothing to do and no one to hang out with in this city.

Okay, so I didn't get the job I had applied for. I'm sensing a pattern here ... and it is not flattering.

When I discovered that Toronto's Canadian National Exhibition started on my birthday, I knew what I would do to celebrate. That, or I was going to go see the new movie, Piranha 3D. But then I did a little web research and discovered that the CNE's neighbouring amusement centre, Ontario Place, offered a special where admission was free on your birthday. Bingo. Free day. I'm in. Keep in mind, Ontario Place is kinda sorta adjoining the CNE, so admission to one gets you into the other -- two for the price of one. And that price is free. Did I say Bingo yet? I set my alarm nice and early. Then when it rang in the morning, I told myself it was my birthday; alarm clocks have no place on birthdays. (really, alarm clocks have little place in my life lately; I simply chose to blame my birthday on Friday) So, a little later than my plan had planned, I was off for the day. [Aside: I had to forcibly keep my cheery nature while on the street car, because a blind woman got on but the (ins...

Edmonton wildlife rehab group moves to new digs I'm particularly fond of the quote "...the society has a sterling reputation." Leaving WRSE behind was one of the hardest parts of my decision to move, probably because it may have been the one thing in Edmonton that I really put my heart and soul into. Knowing how bright its future will be makes me so proud, but the fact that I won't be a part of it makes me pretty sad. It's like I released a rehab shelter that I helped back into the world, and now have to let it thrive without me. I'm happy for it ... and sad for me.

Yesterday I had a job interview for a job I really want -- so I pulled on my "it's 27 degrees outside with 76 percent humidity" interview outfit ( a hot pink cotton shirt with white cotton pants and grape-purple gladiator sandals bought specifically for Lynn's wedding last week but capable of doing double duty nicely ). After the interview ( that I think went well -- it was a first interview, used to narrow down the talent pool to decide who they want to ask back for the "actual" interview sometime in the coming weeks ) I had intended to finally check out the much ballyhooed Kensington Market along with the Art Gallery of Ontario ( they are in relatively the same area -- and the AGO is free on Wednesdays after 6 p.m. ) ... but as attractive as grape-purple gladiator sandals are within the context of weddings and job interviews, they fall remarkably short in the context of walking about town in sticky hot weather. Still, the social event for an online writer...

So, one year ago today I pulled up in Trawna with a moving van to transfer my life. To honour the occasion, I chose to take a free shuttle to a large shopping mall north of the city to find a dress to wear to my friend's wedding at the end of the month. I chose a good day to be away from home and in an air conditioned shuttle/mall ... with the humidex it hit 43 degrees today. Thankfully the pick up spot was in the shade, opposite the Fairmont Royal York hotel (where the Queen would sup hours later) If you look closely, you can see the much-ballyhoed Arboreal Cabbies nesting at the foot of the trees in front of the hotel. The bus picks you up at 1 p.m., drops you off at the mall (approx. 45 minutes later), then swings back around at 6 p.m. to take you back to Toronto. Four hours is just too much for me in a shopping mall (-- and I didn't even find a dress! --) so I found a spot that I think was meant for the men who have been dragged to a shopping mall by their ladies ... it ha...

I am Canadian.

After coming home from what I thought was to be quite the lovely Saturday, I spent much of the rest of the weekend alternating between watching disturbing footage of what was happening a short distance away from my apartment, and turning the channel in disgust at what was happening a short distance away from my apartment. What bothered me the most, actually, was the vast number of people who stood around or took pictures/video of the vandals as if they have no stake in what they are witnessing. Watch the above video closely. Black Hoodie Punk bumps into Brown Shirted Dude while exiting the display video. Punk actually reaches out, and says "Sorry" to the guy he just bumped into. Brown Shirt is at first annoyed at being bumped into, then realizes the store is "open for business". Brown Shirt steps into the store, ready to do some looting of his own, until Black Hoodie is tackled by Decent Citizen, and his bounty tossed back into the store. Then Brown Shirt is on his ...

On Saturday morning (or afternoon, more often) I walk about 20 minutes to a corner store that sells the Saturday Toronto Star for a dollar less than anywhere else around my place. Maybe I'm cheap, maybe I just want an excuse for a walk, but I will go out of my way for a buck. So sue me. But this morning -- okay, afternoon! -- I first had to stop by the library to pick up a book I had put on hold. There was a line up at the counter, so I did a quick lap around the stacks to kill some time ... and found Dan Brown's new book up for grabs. Yoink! [ed. note: "Yoink!: a sound effect; usually associated with snatching something up with enthusiasm; often accompanied with nefarious moustache twirling."] Then on my way to the cheap newspaper, I detoured into a lovely garden centre that was in my path. It's a really beautifully set up oasis in the midst of many small, "jack of all trades, master of none" mom n' pop shops that populate the neighbourhood. Walkin...

I haven't seen my next door neighbour in a while ...

Hung out at the bus stop today and chatted with a lovely lady about the neighbourhood and the transit system while we awaited the arrival of the bus. Then I took the streetcar downtown to see the A-Team, but the streetcar didn't quite make it to the stop I needed because of an accident that shut down its lane, so I ended up having to get off the car and high-tail it to the theatre about 1/2 an hour away to catch the showing I wanted to see. Made it in enough time to quickly visit the ladies room before settling into my seat. I love seeing movies on weekdays where most others are at work or school. Its like my own private showing. I was getting happier by the moment once the movie started cuz it was really so very fun. About half an hour into it, suddenly we were at the end and the mission was almost all done. The movie had skipped about an hour. So I and a handful of others walked out and management gave us two free passes AND let us into another showing of the movie where we c...

... where the teens are at the beach talking about their new fancy phone app where they can check their social network sites to see what their buddy is doing (and he's stuffing his face full o' fries)? So, instead of risking any physical activity whatsoever - such as turning their head to look to see what their friend is doing for themselves - they glue their eyeballs to their phones? Well, I was taking a leisurely stroll around the neighbourhood yesterday ... and obviously this chick didn't want anything like a lovely summer day on her porch to ruin her phone app obsession either:

...you're liable to get a little dizzy. [re: "BP CEO on need to stop oil spill: 'I want my life back.' "] Let's just hold BP to the standards it set out for itself:

What's a girl to do? Make herself an awning that will divert the sun from coming to visit, that's what: I can rig it over the railing to create a cooler(er) nook to sit and get some air without the sun. Or, lower it down against the window which, combined with the fan I bought last week for 1/2 off, makes my apartment not that bad in 30 degree weather. Ahhh. Not that bad. I aspire to so little, so I can feel fulfilled.

So you and your child are browsing the local Coles Bookstore. Ooh! A table with $5 books! Let's look there, honey, you say. So you and your child check out The Book of Love, Dream Cars, Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaur, Rock N' Roll Pop Quiz Book, Incredibly Easy Weeknight Meals, Easy Stirfries, Fashion Model, Great Canadian Speeches, My Cool World in Photos and ... EVIL WIVES: DEADLY WOMEN WHOSE CRIMES KNEW NO LIMITS! Suddenly, your child gets very quiet. You know you're staring down the business end of a heart to heart instead of storytime tonight.

Same stuff, different day. Nothing to see here. Except maybe: I don't know if there weren't pretty trees like this in Edmonton, or I just never noticed them before. But spring in Toronto has been very eye-catching around here.

I just haven't really been doing much worth sharing lately. I could take a picture of my television if you really want a pictorial representation of how I've spent my days for the past few weeks. First, a clarification. The Batman Strawberry may have confused some. Check out the logo on the Batman Collector cup. That's what I meant: A few weeks back I went to a screenwriting seminar and found myself in Dundas Square during Earth Hour. Got my picture taken with the World Wildlife Fund mascot. That was kinda fun, in a Who Care Cuz It's Not Like Anyone Knows Me Here kinda way: So, what's next? Oh yes. I had an interview a few weeks ago for Toronto Wildlife Centre, which would have been a really efficient job to have insofar as I always intended to volunteer with TWC once I got a job ... so if my job was with TWC, that would be frosting two cakes with one can of icing (I'm trying out different phrases to replace "killing two birds with one stone" ... whic...